I’ve started painting in acrylics again.Confession is off an idea I had a few years ago to focus more on the activity of a location then the location itself. Usually when I start a new painting that isn’t a commission these days I find myself very frustrated and angry while working on the piece. This is partly due to the fact when I paint something that isn’t for someone necessarily I am highly critical due to the fact I am painting it for myself and I am always my toughest audience.

I will admit in the past few months I have been slightly angry towards painting for myself- possibly for this reason, possibly for reasons more personal and related to my health then others. It’s difficult to bring the same sort of joy to a painting when my health is failing and anger seems to loom around the different corners of my working life.I think the best way for me to beat the demons in my life is to follow my philosophy of painting: Just be fearless and get it done.

I feel horrible about many things right now and there is little of what I can do about it but paint, since painting is of what all little I can do now without someone pulling the strings elsewhere. As I paint this picture of the two friends sitting by the church- perhaps I will have them eat ice cream as Greg and I would stoop on the Knox steps with our bowls- I battle a years worth of attacks from all fronts in my mind. Attacks from back-stabbing ex coworkers, attacks from self-minded friends, attacks on my body and the biggest blow of all from inside of me since I think I tend to be my worst critic.

If I can put it all aside and just get the painting done then I will know getting the next 5 commissions for Christmas will be a walk in the park and I will be strong again.